- Information
- AI Chat
Experiential Assignments Fall 2019
Preparation for Marriage (SFL 223)
Brigham Young University
Preview text
Experiential Assignments
SFL 223 Preparation for Marriage
Two submissions of 25 points to equal 50 points for the semester
This assignment is a combination of various small activities that add up to 50 points
throughout the semester. There are two due dates. The first 25 points will be due on October 15,
- The second half (worth 25 points) will be due November 23, 2019. This assignment is
turned in on Learning Suite by 11:59PM.
This assignment is meant to provide you with opportunities to experience and apply the
things you will learn during lecture and through your readings. Below is a list of application
activities with instructions that you may choose from. You may not repeat the same activity
more than once AND you may not perform two activities at once (a.k. no receiving points
for two activities in one date.) You must choose a variety of activities to reach a total of 50
points by the end of the semester. The first 25 points of this assignment are due halfway through
the semester to remind you to be continually applying what you are learning in class. You
cannot carry over points from one half of the semester to the next. Should you choose to
complete more than 25 points during either half of the semester, it will simply be for your
personal enjoyment. You are responsible for keeping track of which activities you complete and
your total points. You will turn in a word document (a template is available on Learning Suite
that you should use) via Learning Suite with a summary of your total points and each activity
you did as well as your report on each activity.
There are a variety of activities to choose from. Pick those activities that are appropriate
to your current relationship status.
Experiential Activities
14 Day Challenge (17 points) Find someone of the opposite sex you have never exclusively dated and ask him/her to go out with you (date) exclusively for 14 days. This works best with someone who you are already good friends with and might be interested in dating. During the 14 days, each of you will initiate 2 real dates (a pre-arranged activity) where you are alone (no group dates). There is no commitment to the relationship beyond the two-week period.
For your report, write a one page summary reporting what you did on each of your four dates.
ACT Formula (1 point) Use the ACT formula to ask someone on a date: begin talking to someone you are interested in getting to know better, give appropriate Attention, maintain eye Contact, and use a light Touch like touching their elbow. For your report, include how you know the person that you asked and how it was received.
Antwone/Cheryl Date (3 points) Do any of the following (remember to be honest about how you actually feel and if you are interested in another date): - Tell someone they are beautiful/handsome on the first date - Tell them the Japanese phrase: “You have given me great pleasure this evening” - Tell them that they have a beautiful smile - At the end of the date, say: “Let’s do this again sometime” or “Can we do this again sometime?” For your report, write a brief summary of what you said and how it went.
Arrange a Date (3 points) Invite someone to share a prearranged activity with you alone (no group dates). For your report, write a short summary of what you did and how it went.
Ask the Golden Question (3 points) If you have been dating someone for a significant period of time, ask them: “If we ever were to get married, about when would that be?” For your report, write a brief summary of how it went.
Attachment Questionnaire (2 points) Take the attachment questionnaire on Learning Suite. If you are seriously dating someone have him or her take it as well and discuss your attachment styles. For your report, include your results.
ATTUNE (5 points) Review the reading “The Man's Guide to Women” by John Gottman. Practice ATTUNE for one week with your spouse/roommates/fiancé/boyfriend/girlfriend. Observe how using ATTUNE helps you to be a better listener, as well as how it impacts your relationship with that person.
dinners every week? Daily phone calls? Surprise visits?) Remember the importance of spousal preeminence. For your report, include a list of the boundaries that you set.
Cinnamon Rolls (3 pts) With your roommates, make a batch of cinnamon rolls. Then ALL of you take the some of the cinnamon rolls to an apartment of the opposite gender. For your report record how making the cinnamon rolls went and what the reaction from the guys/girls was. Report if anything else comes out of it (ie dates, return of baked goods etc.).
Conversate without technology (2 points) Have two conversations (not just small talk) with two members of the opposite sex. These conversations will be technology free, no looking down to check your notifications/feed on your phone or watch. For your reflection, write a paragraph about how those conversations went and how you felt after being fully engaged without technological distractions.
Cooking a meal together (7 points) With a date/friend of the opposite sex or your fiancé/spouse plan a nutritious balanced meal, keep it to a specific agreed upon budget, purchase the groceries together, cook the meal together, eat it together, and then clean up together. Provide a brief paragraph explaining how you budgeted (including the dollar amount) and purchased items for the meal, what you made, and how it went overall.
Date Night Jar (5 points) Write down at least 20 ideas of dates you could go on and keep them in a jar in your apartment. Go on one date doing one of the ideas from your jar. For your report list 10 of your ideas and include a summary of the date that you went on from that list.
Develop Your Inner Child (5 points) In order to build self-esteem, we need to develop a better relationship with ourselves. This includes becoming more familiar with our ‘inner child’ and taking time to do things that nourish that inner child. For this experiential assignment, you will be focusing on nourishing your inner child for a week by completing one of the following activities each day. To be clear, you only need to complete one activity per day for a total of 7 days. You cannot repeat activities! At the conclusion of those days, write a two-paragraph summary including what you did each day, why you chose that activity, and how that activity helped to nourish your inner child. For example, if I chose to take a bath one day, I could write the following:
“On Monday, I decided to take a bubble bath to help me relax and relieve some stress. I have been feeling worked up over school this week so taking a bubble bath helped me to feel like I was a child again, playing with bubbles without a care in the world”
List of activities: Take a warm/bubble bath Go to a park and swing on the swings Watch a movie/TV show you enjoyed as a child Go buy an ice cream cone/treat Look at old photos/videos of when you were a kid Go to the zoo Go to a pet store Have breakfast in bed Eat some of your favorite childhood food for a meal Go for a walk in nature
(List continued) Read a bedtime story to yourself (It doesn’t necessarily have to be a kid’s book) Watch a show about something you know nothing about (this could be on History Channel, Discovery, National Geographic, etc.) Go to the aquarium Have a snowball fight Jump in a pile of leaves Go feed the ducks at the BYU Duck Pond Color in a coloring book Take time to paint or draw freehand Take time to write a story or favorite memory Go outside and take photos Find a fun event going on nearby and attend
Equal Partnership (2 points) Talk to a member of the opposite sex about what they feel would be equal partnership in marriage. Chores? Decisions? Child rearing? For your report, write one paragraph discussing what you talked about and if there were differences in opinion.
Experiential Assignment Ideas (1 point) Send in at least 3 ideas (more is encouraged as well) for more experiential assignments that have not already been listed in this document. Email sfl223ta@gmail with your ideas! We’re excited to see what things you can come up with!
Eye Lock (3 points) Maintain eye contact for 10 minutes from 12-18 inches away with a member of the opposite sex. Talking to each other helps, but try not to look away for the full 10 minutes. For your report, write a one paragraph summary about who you chose and how it made you feel.
monthly period affects you so you can notice patterns in behavior and moods that can be explained and better understood by the hormonal changes involved with your monthly menstrual cycle. Provide a short paragraph explaining how long you’ve tracked and how you feel doing so has benefitted you. Also explain why having this information could benefit your marriage relationship.
Form Friendships (10 points) Find and talk to three new friends each day for one week. For your report, write a one paragraph summary about some of the people you met, how it went, and how it made you feel.
Gratitude Journal (5 points) For at least 2 weeks write down something every day that you are grateful for about your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé/spouse or your relationship. At the end of the two weeks share these entries with them. For your report, include 3 of the things you are grateful, how they responded when you read your entries to them, and how it impacted your relationship.
Hand Holding (2 points *+1 Bonus point if this is your first-time holding hands! You got this!) If a date has gone well and the timing seems right, initiate hand holding, and see how your date reacts. For your report, include the circumstances and how it was received.
Have a DTR (4 points) Define/Destroy the Relationship: Ask “Is marriage a potential in this relationship?” Set a time frame for deciding. For your report, write a one paragraph summary of how it went.
Host “Come, Follow Me” (10 points) Hold “Come, Follow Me” discussion groups this semester in preparation for teaching your future families the gospel in your own home/apartment. Must last at least 2 weeks in the semester in order for points to be allotted.
Learn a new skill: (2 points per skill learned) This is an opportunity for you to expand your horizons, increase your self-reliance, and get out of your comfort zone. Ask someone of the opposite gender to teach you a skill that you have not learned before. Ideas could include: changing a tire, changing the oil in a car, sewing,
knitting, crocheting, cooking, playing pickleball, making bread, learning how to golf, etc. 2 points is awarded per new skill learned. Have fun and communicate well!
Leave Your Phone at Home During Church (4 pts) For the next month (or for four Sunday’s in a row) leave your phone at home while you attend church or leave it completely turned off (not on airplane mode, completely turned off) in your bag or pocket. Observe how your church experience changes over the course of the four Sundays. For your report, write a paragraph about how your church experience was different without your phone. Some ideas to write about include how your interaction with others at church was different, and how your learning was impacted at church without your phone. If your roommates participated as well, discuss your experiences and then briefly summarize your discussion.
Love Language (2 points) Complete the love language quiz online to find out what your dominant love language is. If you are seriously dating someone, have them complete the quiz as well and discuss your individual love languages and how you can best show each other love. For your report, include your quiz results.
Love Letter to Self (3 points) This is to help build your own confidence and self-esteem. Write a one page paper describing why you love yourself (must include characteristics and personality traits). For your report, include your letter.
Love Letter to Significant Other (2 pts) Write a love letter to your significant other/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé/spouse. Give the letter to them and watch how they react to it. For your report include 1-2 paragraphs detailing how they responded.
Love Notes (3 pts) For one week leave notes for your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé. They need to be handwritten notes! They can be left in notebooks, backpacks, car, house, etc. For your report in 1-2 paragraphs record how doing this every day helped your love grow for the person you wrote the notes for and record the person’s overall response at the end of the week.
Love Poem (5 points)
Go for one whole week without digital media (Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, TV/Netflix, etc.). Focus on filling that time you would have spent online or binge-watching with activities that help you establish real connections with others, come closer to the Lord, and get to know yourself better (going out for a walk up the canyon or around your neighborhood, spending time with friends/family, going on a date, studying scriptures, writing in your journal, etc.).
Write a paragraph about your experiences. For your report, include this write-up of your experiences.
Mini-Date (4 points) A mini-date is a short interview/date with someone of the opposite sex where you work on your communication skills. It gives you a good reason to ask someone out for a class assignment. Go on a mini date with someone you have not dated before in order to get to know them better. See the end of this document for more detailed assignment instructions.
Movie Analysis (5 points) The movie “Far From the Madding Crowd” is all about romance, relationships, and choices. Watch the movie and then write an evaluation of the decisions that the leading female character makes during the film. What are the motivations for her choices with her relationships? This evaluation should be 1-2 pages, double-spaced. For your report, include your paper.
Movie Clip (3 points) Find a short clip from any movie or show (BYU appropriate) that illustrates a relationship principle discussed in class (spousal preeminence, communication, the importance of fathers, equal stewardship, soulmates, etc.). For your report, attach the link with a brief explanation of which principle is being demonstrated.
Phone Number (1 point) Write down your name and phone number and give it to someone of the opposite sex who you’ve never dated. Invite them to call you sometime. For your report, include the circumstances in which you gave your phone number and whether or not they contacted you.
Phone Numbers (3 points) Practice being more friendly and outgoing by asking for at least five new numbers of people you meet or would like to get to know better and then call at least one of them to arrange an activity together. For your report, include what activity you did with the person you called.
Podcast: Waiting for Sexual Intimacy (3 points) Listen to Oprah’s “Super Soul Conversation” with DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good on their intentional, disciplined wait to have sex: youtube/watch?v=cm3GB7HC7Gs (if the link doesn’t work, search on youtube or find on any podcast app). This conversation centers around waiting for sexual intimacy. Record your thoughts on the conversation and your thoughts, or experiences, on waiting for sex. Two paragraphs.
You might: Note the unique backgrounds and religious perspectives of each person involved. Note the blessings that are experienced, regardless of your background, when you wait until after marriage to have healthy sexual intimacy. But please share your own thoughts freely. Enjoy.
Power Date (5 points) On a date, appeal to all five senses of your date: Taste, Smell, Sight, Sound, and Touch. Smell: Wear perfumes/lotions/colognes/shaving lotions that your date would find pleasant and attractive. Utilize good hygiene practices and mouthwash, mints, or gum. Taste: Create a pleasant experience for your date by providing and enjoying good tasting food. Sight: Look your best and make your appearance as pleasing as possible. Get an opinion from others, including members of the opposite sex. Consider hygiene, hair, clothing, make-up/facial hair, and remember to smile. Formula for Professional Presentations: 55% Appearance (clothes, hair, face – smile, physique) 38% Voice (volume and pitch) 7% Words/Content Sound: Create a pleasant atmosphere with such things as music, theatre, singing, and words (manners, compliments). If necessary, improve the quality of your voice: not too soft, not too loud. Watch you grammar, and avoid vulgarity, profanity, swearing, and slang. Touch: When you touch someone, you convey your own confidence and that you feel at least equal to the person in worth. The failure to touch may also communicate disinterest. Touch is any non-sexual way, such as holding hands, arm in arm while walking, or touching arms- shoulders-waist. For your report, write a one paragraph summary of what you did and how it was received.
Power Deed (3 points) Do a typical BYU thing and take someone some food/flowers (taste, sight, and smell), and talk to him/her (sound) for 10-20 minutes. Dress up (sight) when you go over and smell nice. If possible, touch the person (a hug, high five, etc.)
Goal: Improve your conflict resolution, Specific Step: “I will pause, count to 10, and take deep breaths in order to stay calm during conflict.” (Simply saying, “I will be calm during conflict” is not sufficient) For your report, include your finished paper.
Scented Pillows (2 points) If you and your significant other are going to be separated for a long period of time, spray a small pillow with a favorite scent that will remind you of that person while you are apart. For your report, write a brief summary of how the scented pillow affected your feelings towards the separation.
Sing (10 points) If in a serious relationship, write a new song and sing it to your partner. For your report, include your song lyrics and a brief description of how it was received by your partner.
“Sit By” Date (1 point) Talk to someone of the opposite gender who you often sit by in a class at BYU. Get to know their name, where they are from, their interests, etc. For your report, include what class and what you learned about the person.
Social Media Post (2 pts) Post on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest etc. something that you have learned about in class and would like to share with the world. For your report screen shot the post and include it as well as a paragraph about how people responded to the post.
Start an exercise program: (10 points) The goal of this activity is to help you feel better about yourself, feel more alive, boost your self-esteem, and improve your overall health. Decide on a new (not a program you have already been involved in regularly) exercise routine that fits your current level of activity and your future goals for improvement. (Ex: you would like to be able to run three miles so you start by walking a couple miles each day for a week and then try running one mile and building up from there) Write down your personal exercise plan for this semester including type of activity (weights, work out video, treadmill, bike, etc.) frequency (every day, every other day, morning, evening), and how you plan to reach your goals (I will exercise every morning for 30 min, or get my roommate to do it with me/ be accountable to, treat myself to _____ at the end of every week if I exercise at least 5 of the days, etc.).
After doing this for at least two weeks, submit a copy of your exercise plan and a brief description of how you feel it has been a benefit to you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Share how you plan to keep up with this program.
Studio Audience for Future Online Class: (1 point *Can be repeated up to 3x in a semester) Attend as a silent audience member while Tammy’s teaching is recorded in the Harman building for the online Marriage Prep course that will be available next semester. Having an audience can aid in teaching, but as it is being filmed REMAIN SILENT unless your participation is specifically called for by Tammy. Available times and location to meet: Tuesdays from 2:00pm-3:00pm, the location will be announced in class.
Talk to Tammy about your Why! (1pt) Make time to talk to Tammy about what you believe your why is. For your report, write a paragraph about how it went and what you feel.
Teaching Experience (10 points) Teach a small group of people about a topic from class. You need to teach 3-8 people in a way that is interesting and helps them to understand. For your report, write a 1-2 page double spaced summary of what you taught the group and how it went.
Technology Free Date (5 pts) Go on a date where there is no technology involved. This means that phones get turned off, no watching movies/tv/Netflix/Hulu/Amazon Prime/other streaming services, no social media and no video games. Some ideas that you could do instead are going on a hike, going out to dinner, go bowling, go volunteer for an event or activity, go on a drive up Provo Canyon, go to a Museum, go explore the Provo City Library and wander around Downtown Provo. For your report write a 1-2 paragraph summary of what you did and how it went going without technology on the date.
Testimony (2 points) Share your testimony with someone about the divine design of marriage and why it is so important to you (this can be with someone not LDS, a struggling sibling, an engaged friend, etc.) For your report, include who you shared it with and how it was received.
The Ultimate (5 points) Walk up to an unknown person. Ask him/her if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. If not, ask him/her on a date. For your report, write a brief summary of how it went.
Whisper something (a scripture, a compliment, what you admire about them) in your date’s ear for 20-30 seconds. For your report, include what you said and how it was received.
Write a Letter to your Inner Child (3 points) For this assignment, please write a three-paragraph letter as if you were addressing yourself as a child. This may be trickier than you think so here are some questions you can ask yourself. You do not need to answer all of these questions to get full points, but they can help you think about what to write.
- How has your family changed since you were little? Do you like those changes?
- What are some of your dreams now? What were they when you were little? Have they changed and if so, why?
- Who are some of your friends? Why are you friends?
- What have been some of your favorite recent memories?
- What have been some of your most difficult trials? How did you overcome them?
- How do you feel you have changed since you were little? How are you still the same?
- What do you miss about childhood? What do you enjoy about being an adult?
***Other: If you come up with another idea, you may run it by Tammy Hill or at TA for approval. Ideas for Married Couples
Couple Bucket List (7 pts) With your spouse/fiancé, write a list of at least 15 things you would like to do as a couple. Then do at least three things from your bucket list sometime throughout the semester (if you choose to complete this activity, please turn it in on the second experiential assignment due date so that you can have the time to do three things from the bucket list!). For your report, include your bucket list as well as which three things on the bucket list you completed and how the three things you did went!
Couple Weekend Getaway (10 pts) Sometime throughout the semester go on a weekend getaway. Requirements: you must leave Provo, each spouse must arrange an activity that the other spouse would like to do, and it cannot be spent with your family. The point of this is to give you and your spouse some time together without family, school or work interfering. BONUS +1: Talk about something on your getaway that you have been wanting to bring up but maybe haven’t had the time to. For your report include where you went, what activity each spouse arranged, and how you felt like your marriage benefitted from having a weekend getaway. If you do the BONUS
include the general topic (ex. Communication; you don’t need to give us details about what exactly you talked about) and how it went.
Double Date Night (5 points) After getting married, sometimes it can be hard to remember that there are other people in the world besides you and your spouse! It’s important to remember that connections with many different people can really enrich our lives and that we can learn so much from others. Invite another couple (or couples) over for dinner/dessert/games/FHE and enjoy having fun together. This would be a great way to make friends in your ward or apartment complex. Write about your experience, and include how you think these types of activities could help strengthen your relationship with your spouse. For your report, include details about what you did for this activity (who you invited, when, what you did), and the write-up about your experience.
Family Home Evening (10 points) The Brethren have emphasized the importance of having family council and family home evenings for the past few decades. Getting into these habits before children come along can really bless your current relationship, and your future family. For one month, hold a family home evening with your spouse once a week (this can be on a Monday night, or a night that better fits with your schedule). Make sure to include a spiritual thought (read an Ensign article, study the scriptures together, etc.), and some sort of activity. You can even include a treat if you like! For your report, write about what you did, and any impacts that it had on your relationship.
Five Magic Hours (5 points) Researcher John Gottman has come up with a formula to help married couples make more time for each other, strengthening their marriage as a result. For one week, intentionally incorporate the Five Magic Hours formula into your couple routine (you can find a breakdown of the formula on Learning Suite under “Content” and “Assignment Materials”). For your report, include how the Five Magic Hours impacted your relationship.
Gottman’s Love Maps (5 points) Together with your spouse, read about and complete John Gottman’s Love Maps activity (you can find this on Learning Suite under “Content” and “Assignment Materials”). This will help you better get to know your spouse, and can act as a fun date-night or family home evening activity. For your report, include how the activity went, and at least 3 new things that you learned about your spouse.
Parents Double Date (5 pts)
Mini-Date/Interview #
For this assignment, choose a member of the opposite sex (not necessarily a boyfriend or girlfriend) and go on a “mini-date.” It can be as simple as just going for a walk or sitting and talking, but whatever you do, make sure you take time to discuss the things on this sheet. When you meet, go over the “Laundry List” (Where you are from, your major, your mission, etc.) and then discuss at least five of the following:
- What famous historical person has affected you most in life?
- What modern invention do you believe we would be better off without?
- What do you know now that you wish you didn’t know?
- What song would you listen to each night as you fall asleep? Why?
- If you could be an animal for just one day, what would it be? Why?
- What one truth do you wish someone had told you earlier in life?
- What is your earliest childhood memory?
- What was the most humiliating moment of your life?
- If you had to spend a thousand dollars tomorrow, how would you do it?
- What are the five most important things in your life?
- What have been the most important ideas/concepts that you have learned in SFL 223 thus far?
- Should women initiate dates? Why or Why not?
- What kind of dates, if any, should women initiate?
- If women initiate dates should they pay the expenses (food, tickets, etc.)?
- Should a woman ever propose marriage to a man? If so, under what circumstances?
- Do you use “dating” as a term?
- Is dating different at BYU? Why?
- What do you consider to be a good date? Why?
- How do you go about choosing a good dating partner?
- Is there any significance in the third date? Why?
- When is the first kiss appropriate? Why?
- How long should you date before making the decision to get married?
- Do young men often ask out young women that have already shown interest in them?
- How does a young lady go about showing interest in a young man without presenting herself as desperate?
- If a young woman initiates a date with a young man should she pay for the date? Why or Why not?
After your Mini-Date, write a one-page report telling about your experience. What did you learn about yourself and the other person? Make sure to discuss at least five questions that were asked and what the response was.
Experiential Assignments Fall 2019
Course: Preparation for Marriage (SFL 223)
University: Brigham Young University
- Discover more from:
